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i'm a day late, but...


yesterday marks the 4 year anniversary of Layne's passing.

a lot of you know very little about me. usually the first thing anyone finds out is how much i love that man. he was (and still is) the most influential element in more than half of my life now. i have never seen anyone so beautiful, so fragile, and so memorable. every word he spoke has stuck in my head. every note he sang, every time he smiled, it has been burned into my mind. there was just something so special about him. and he certainly did not belong here.

i try to be happy for him, that he is no longer suffering. i havent quite found the strength within me to speak to him without crying though. i still mourn.

for all you guys here who arent an AIC fan or a Mad Season fan, i encourage you to give them another listen, read up a bit on who Layne was, all he accomplished in the short time he was here. the first thing you will find will be his mistakes. please look past that garbage, as it is food for the simple minded. we all make mistakes and are in no position to judge.

i truely think of him as an angel sent from heaven. and i miss him.

thanks for reading.

--Log in or sign up to see linked image content--

---
-stace


Grown to see the pain too soon. Layne Staley 1967-2002 Rest Easy Brother.
4/6/2006, 8:57 pm Link to this post Send Email to LayneNugget   Send PM to LayneNugget AIM
 
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Re: i'm a day late, but...


That was a beautiful post, Stace.

Thanks so much for reminding us all of the anniversary of Layne's passing.

RIP Layne

---
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw

The Pepper Keenan Board


4/7/2006, 8:24 pm Link to this post Send Email to Petalouda8   Send PM to Petalouda8
 
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Re: i'm a day late, but...


...and you are beautiful too Anna.

---
-stace


Grown to see the pain too soon. Layne Staley 1967-2002 Rest Easy Brother.
4/8/2006, 7:35 pm Link to this post Send Email to LayneNugget   Send PM to LayneNugget AIM
 
Extatique Chaos Profile
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Re: i'm a day late, but...


Wow.

It has finally happened.

I have found someone as attached to Layne as I am.

I know I haven't been around much lately, but Stace, you rock. Also? HI! I'm Jenn.

Your post is truly beautiful, and in Layne fashion I might add. Simple and to the point, and at the same time elegent.

I have stayed away from the topic of this anniversary for days now, and taken time to "clean my wounds" (bless COC) which reopen each year around this time. With Buttahfly's direction, I came and checked out this post and am very pleased with what I found. Welcome to the board Stace.

Most of the healing I needed to do took place between me and another individual that loved Layne very much, and still does. With help from her, I know that everything is okay, and as she quoted to me, "Life reveals what is dealt through seasons, circle comes around each time"

I wanted to close with two things that had been in my mind lately, two things Layne had said.

"Being me is no different than being most anyone else, I guess."

And...

"I guess I can go anywhere I want. If only I knew where to go. "

Those two little things are like a giant reminder that even though some of us saw him as a rock god, he was still only human. He bled like we do, hurt, thrived, and cherished as we do... he was one of us above all things.

I don't know about you Stace, but the one thing that I keep in mind whenever I get too upset about his loss is from one of the songs from Mad Season.

"I'm above,
Over you I'm standing above,
Claiming unconditional love,
Above"

While it is a bit out context, I can't help but think that if he could talk to us now, that's what he would say.

 emoticon for you Stace.

xxoo,
Jenn

PS. Thank you Anna for pointing this out to me. emoticon

---

4/9/2006, 2:42 pm Link to this post Send Email to Extatique Chaos   Send PM to Extatique Chaos
 
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Re: i'm a day late, but...


ok i just typed out a big long reply but i think i forgot to hit send, doh!

lovely words Jenn, thank you for the welcome, it is a pleasure to meet you.

i dont listen to Layne much anymore. its still too hard for me to hear him, unless i am in a really rare mood. he has been my number one for over 14 years [sign in to see URL] since the start whenever i saw his face in photos or heard his voice on the radio, i only saw or heard one thing: "help me."

i did every thing i could. i talked to so many people who mightve known someone who had known someone who had known someone who had known [sign in to see URL] know how that [sign in to see URL] got jerked around a lot and it was so emotionally exhausting, but !@#$ how i tried.

i did everything short of stalking [sign in to see URL] know, finding out his pphone number or address or going to seattle and standing on a street corner waiting for him to drive by. we all know that wouldnt have gotten me anywhere, considering how distrustful he became at the end.

but if theres one thing i believed. its that i had something inside me that couldve made a difference. i knew something that couldve changed something in his head. what that was, i have no idea.

but i will spend the rest of my life blaming myself for not being there. i have a tendency to do that in any situation, taking on the weight of the world. i should have been able to do something. this has inspired a countless number of [sign in to see URL] only real outlet. i write a lot of songs.

i speak with him often, not as much as i used to though. i always ask him for the strength to heal from this. to be able to find beauty in other things in life, to believe in something again.

i have recieved a few letters from Layne's mother. this has offered a lot of comfort, she is a beautiful [sign in to see URL] would not believe her strength. i also have an art print up on her website to help raise money for recovering addicts. at least now i feel like ive made a tiny bit of difference.

what keeps me sane is knowing that someday i will come face to face with him. i will tell him how sorry i am and i know he will forgive me and tell me it was not my fault. that is the only way i'll ever really believe it.

---
-stace


Grown to see the pain too soon. Layne Staley 1967-2002 Rest Easy Brother.
4/10/2006, 9:49 pm Link to this post Send Email to LayneNugget   Send PM to LayneNugget AIM
 
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Re: i'm a day late, but...


I didn't saw that post. *slap myself*

Wonderful posts, girls. I have nothing more to say.

Just.. Layne.. dude.. I miss you. Miss you..


You were one in a million!

 emoticon

---


4/15/2006, 8:05 am Link to this post Send Email to BangThatHead   Send PM to BangThatHead
 
Extatique Chaos Profile
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Re: i'm a day late, but...


 emoticon Michi daaaahling... Miss you much babes.

Stace? Layne's mother is totally amazing. She and I have talked so much, and to have her say some of the things she has is a blessing... but also painful. She is truly a magikal woman, who (without a doubt) is the one reason Layne was so wonderful himself.

Layne is at peace now and is very busy watching over us all that hold him in our hearts.

Heh... sometimes, he even stops in for "coffee" (Long story there). He's no longer suffering... his pain is no longer self chosen.

For the first year after his death, I couldn't bear to see his face or hear his voice. Then, exactly one year to the day- an AIC song came on the radio as I was going home and I knew... KNEW... that everything was okay. I mean it's the kinda of know that takes over your whole body in that warm happy feeling.

There's been so many things that have happend to me since he's been gone. So many things that make no sense, and I wouldn't believe if other hadn't been there to witness them- but I think it's a safe assumption to make that he is there, and he is watching over the ones that loved him regardless of his flaws.

I know this seems out there... but to me? It's almost like the loss of his life, saved hundreds, hell thousands of more. Not that it's a great trade- but none the less... it was a trade. His death? Saved me. I didn't want to die the way he did. And now I'm trying to do my best to live the way he wanted to; at peace with myself.

I finally learned how to ask for help. And I got it... and all the love I could ask for. What more could I ask for?

Btw, I'd love to chat sometime... if you'd ever like to let me know.

---

4/15/2006, 6:00 pm Link to this post Send Email to Extatique Chaos   Send PM to Extatique Chaos
 
LayneNugget Profile
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Re: i'm a day late, but...


his mother is nothing short of amazing. there are no words, i dont know how she does it...

i absolutely believe that he saved me by leaving this world the way he did. in life he was the kind of person who wouldve given his life in a second to help [sign in to see URL] just wish that in the process of his death (which unfortunately took entirely too long), he couldve been not so tormented. i just hope that now, when he looks back on his life, that he doesnt remember any suffering.

"to me you'll never [sign in to see URL] life you [sign in to see URL] life you [sign in to see URL] name was Layne..." -aaron lewis

---
-stace


Grown to see the pain too soon. Layne Staley 1967-2002 Rest Easy Brother.
4/15/2006, 10:11 pm Link to this post Send Email to LayneNugget   Send PM to LayneNugget AIM
 
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Re: i'm a day late, but...


I know I've been absent from this [sign in to see URL] for a reason. I lost my father and one of my heros, Layne Staley within days of each other. I mean days.

It's still very hard for me to talk about Layne at length, and I remember the day he died as if it were yesterday.

He's in a better place now. I know he is.


"No more hiding or disguising truths I've sold..."

RIP Layne...

---

4/17/2006, 7:02 pm Link to this post Send Email to MistressofPuppets   Send PM to MistressofPuppets
 
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Re: i'm a day late, but...


im sorry to hear that honey. i hope that over the past 4 years you have found the strength somewhere within you to heal. it is a slow process for me, but i have found a few things that i needed to find to move on with life.

---
-stace


Grown to see the pain too soon. Layne Staley 1967-2002 Rest Easy Brother.
4/18/2006, 8:10 pm Link to this post Send Email to LayneNugget   Send PM to LayneNugget AIM
 


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